Bert

Bert began as a joke.

Or rather, as the kind of joke that slowly stops being funny because it turns out to contain too much truth.

At first he was simply my “inner monkey” — anxious, controlling, reactive, endlessly trying to manage discomfort by controlling people, situations, emotions, outcomes, and uncertainty itself. He wanted relief, reassurance, safety, certainty. He wanted things to go his way.

As do we all.

But over time Bert evolved from a private metaphor into something more alive and emotionally complex. He became frightened, defensive, stubborn, lonely, ashamed, determined, hopeful, manipulative, vulnerable, funny, exhausting, and deeply human.

In other words, Bert became recognizable.

Through Bert, I explore the psychology of control not as theory, but as lived emotional experience — the inner logic that drives us to hold tighter when holding tighter is precisely what traps us.

Through Bert, I explore the psychology of control not abstractly, but emotionally and personally — the inner logic that drives us to hold tighter when holding tighter is precisely what traps us.

Some of what appears here is humorous. Some reflective. Some painful. Some absurd. Much of it lives somewhere in between.

Bert is not a mascot. He is not an enemy. He is not something to eliminate.

He is an attempt to look honestly and compassionately at the controlling parts of ourselves — and at the fears, longings, and vulnerabilities that live beneath them.