I’m a therapist and writer interested in why we keep doing things that exhaust us—worrying, people-pleasing, rescuing, trying to get everything right.
My work explores how these attempts to feel safe can become traps, and how we can begin to loosen their grip.
I call these patterns monkeytraps after the story of a monkey whose fist is trapped inside a bottle because he refuses to release the bait he’s holding.
For us, as for him, freedom often requires letting go.
The Monkeytraps Project brings together my books, essays, and recordings about these patterns and their alternatives. It includes Monkeytraps: Why Everybody Tries to Control Everything and How We Can Stop (2015; second edition coming soon) and four manuscripts awaiting publication: Monkeytraps in Everyday Life, Monkeytraps for Adult Children, Bert’s Therapy, and Monkeytraps for Therapists.
Appearing throughout is Bert, my anxious, controlling “inner monkey,” who brings humor and humanity to the exploration.
I write for people who recognize these struggles in their own lives, and for therapists helping others. The aim is greater freedom to face what we feel, choose how we respond, and connect with one another.
